Although Lorelai gets all the credit for her hilarious lines of dialogue on the TV drama Gilmore Girls, her mother, Emily, is just as clever and has the same kind of biting wit. In fact, since she has a taste for the finer things in life and is always completely honest, it could be argued that Emily has some even better one-liners and pieces of dialogue than her fast-talking daughter.
With seven seasons plus the Netflix revival, Emily has said a lot of hilarious and intelligent things on this great series. Here are Emily Gilmore’s best quotes on Gilmore Girls.
10. “Well it’s not every day I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open.”
Ever since Lorelai asks her parents for help paying for Rory’s fancy private school Chilton, she and Rory have to go over for Friday night dinner. It might seem like a tiny price to pay for knowing that her daughter can get an education, but of course, to Lorelai, this is a massive deal. Emily says this line of dialogue in the pilot.
This is one of Emily Gilmore’s best quotes since she’s explaining that Rory and Lorelai rarely come over for a meal… but she’s saying it with her trademark tone, which is funny but also a little bit harsh. Even when Emily’s in a pleasant mood, she can’t help herself and has to say something that others might find rude.
9. “Well then, buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business!”
This Emily Gilmore quote is from the season five episode “Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller.” When Richard says, “Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!” this is how she responds. He says “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this! I’m going to bed.” Her reply? “You go to bed, I’ll go to France!” Oh, Emily. She’s always so perfectly witty.
This exchange of dialogue between Emily and Richard does have a tinge of sadness, though, because this is around the time that they decide to split up.
8. “You never do anything unless it’s exactly what you want to do. You never have. You go through life like a natural disaster knocking down everything and everyone in your path.”
Emily Gilmore was always a staple of Gilmore Girls but in the Netflix revival A Year In The Life, it’s truly her time to shine. She gets her own storyline when she has to face her grief after losing her beloved husband Richard, and she cleans up her house and decides to move.
Emily is also honest with Lorelai about the way that she has tended to live her life. Sure, this might be a harsh statement on Emily’s part, but she’s actually right. Lorelai has always believed that she’s the only one who can look out for herself and that she can’t trust or rely on her parents, but Emily does want the best for her.
7. “Put a post-it on it when you’re done.”
This funny quote from Emily Gilmore is from the season one episode “Rory’s Birthday Parties.” When Rory and Lorelai go over to her parents’ house for dinner, Emily explains, “So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you’d like us to leave you in our wills.”
Lorelai says that she’s enjoying the pudding that is served for dessert, and Emily says that if she likes the crystal bowl, she should add a post-it note. This is a classic Emily line since she has no idea how hilarious she’s being. She just thinks that she’s being logical and practical.
6. “Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen by itself you better go get it a cape.”
Emily is infamous for hiring tons of maids and never being happy with anyone. She also says some pretty mean (but also witty) things to them, like this line of dialogue.
If you heard anyone say this IRL you would be pretty shocked. When you hear Emily Gilmore say it, though, you just shrug because it’s what you’ve expected. This is just the way that she speaks to people. She’s always going to be honest, even if she could say something in a much nicer and more polite manner.
5. “Rory, I know you heard a lot of talk about various disappointments this evening, and I know you’ve heard a lot of talk about it in the past…”
Even though fans of Gilmore Girls know that Rory and Lorelai couldn’t be closer and that Lorelai doesn’t regret having a baby in high school, it’s true that she did miss out on some things as a result. That’s why this is one of Emily Gilmore’s best quotes.
but I want to make this very clear: you, young lady, your person and your existence, have never ever been, not even for a second, included in that list. Do you understand me?
Instead of being hilarious and witty, this quote comes from a very kind place. Emily doesn’t want Rory to think that her mom shouldn’t have had her, and it’s a moving and emotional moment.
4. “Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai. Let me be frivolous and shallow, will you, please?”
Emily says this quote in the season six episode “The Prodigal Daughter Returns” and it’s both funny and moving. For one thing, it’s pretty crazy to imagine Emily being “frivolous” and “shallow” since she’s definitely always in control of her perfectly ordered life.
For another thing, Emily does go through a bit of a crisis in her personal life when she and Richard split up, and this quote is reflective of that period of her life. Even though she’s having a tough time, it’s fun to see Emily acting totally unlike herself.
3. “They don’t bring me joy.”
When Emily Gilmore is wearing jeans and getting rid of tons of stuff in her house (or letting the staff do it), Lorelai is pretty confused about what her mother is doing. When Lorelai says, “Mom, he’s taking the dining room chairs!” Emily responds, “They don’t bring me joy.”
She’s following the method of Marie Kondo, who is famous for her theory that if something doesn’t “spark joy” you should throw it out. This is one of the best and funniest scenes from the revival.
2. “Do you think you’ll be single your entire life?”
When Emily asks Lorelai this question, it’s definitely meant to hurt her… or at least make her see that she shoudl be trying harder to make a relationship last (and even think about getting married).
It’s true that Lorelai doesn’t have the best luck with dating, but that’s part of her charm. And fans have always been shipping her and Luke, anyway, so no one really wanted to see her with anyone else. Emily knows that these two belong together and even mentions it in an early episode, but she’s not too polite to Luke any time that she’s around him.
1. “You can use your mother’s old golf clubs. They’re upstairs, gathering dust, with the rest of her potential.”
In what is quite possibly her best quote ever, Emily Gilmore is both witty (as always) and kind of mean to Lorelai (as, well, always).
Before they finally talk about their relationship in the Netflix revival, Lorelai thinks that Emily doesn’t care about her, and Emily is totally confused about why Lorelai doesn’t watn to live the same wealthy life as her. But instead of simply saying that to her daughter, Emily is going to be witty. And fans wouldn’t want her to act any other way.
