Grey’s Anatomy has broken hearts, epic love, character deaths, and season finale twists galore. The TV drama also has quite a few love triangles, which makes perfect sense since it’s been on the air for so long and it’s now in its 16th season.
The most famous love triangle on this show is definitely the one between Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo), Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey), and Addison Montgomery (Kate Walsh). It’s a huge deal when Addison comes to Seattle Grace (now Gray Sloan Memorial Hospital) and says that she’s actually Derek’s wife, and things get juicier from there. While this love triangle happened in the first few seasons of the show, it’s still on many fan’s minds today. Who is better for Derek, Meredith or Addison? We’re taking a look at this question today.
10. Meredith: He Makes Her Fight For Him
When Derek has to pick between Meredith and Addison after the season one finale, he tries to do the right thing by staying with his wife. While this moment upset fans who always shipped Meredith and Derek from the pilot, it seems like maybe Derek had another motive in mind.
Perhaps his goal was to make Meredith fight for him and really admit that she had feelings for him. After all, she’s not the easiest person, and it doesn’t seem like a relationship with her would be smooth sailing all the time. In this sense, Meredith is a much better love interest for Derek. She does own up to her feelings and she says “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
9. Addison: She And Derek Seem To Have A Less Dramatic Path To Marriage
While fans adore Meredith and Derek’s marriage via post-it note on Grey’s Anatomy, it does seem a little odd and sketchy that they couldn’t tie the knot the way that they had planned. Sure, Izzie’s (Katherine Heigl) cancer threw a wrench in those plans, and they wanted Izzie and Alex (Justin Chambers) to basically take over their wedding. But couldn’t they have an actual wedding another time? Even something small and sweet?
Addison and Derek seemed to have a much less dramatic path to marriage. All we know is that they tied the knot, and maybe there were some obstacles, but for the most part, it doesn’t seem as crazy dramatic. That has to count for something. Is tons of drama really good for a relationship?
8. Meredith: He’s Drawn To Her Immediately
If Derek was so wildly in love with his wife Addison, why would he want to be with Meredith when he meets her at the bar? He’s drawn to her right away, and this suggests that she’s the better love interest for him.
It feels like Derek has been searching for a soulmate his whole life, and when he sees Meredith, he feels that she’s the one for him. It could be argued that they’re really good for each other since they push each other to stay in the relationship and make sure that their own professional needs are still being met. While it’s not always pretty or easy, that’s the stuff that makes a real marriage work.
7. Addison: He Seems To Pick Her For A Reason
Many fans can root for Addison and Derek, though, because when Meredith would like him to make his big choice, he goes for Addison. Why would he do that if he really does care about Meredith?
We see Meredith and Derek together more than Addison and Derek, so it can be tough to see what their relationship is really like. This is especially true since they’re picking up the pieces of their marriage and trying to mend it. But they do seem to have a bond, and they did get married because they love each other.
6. Meredith: She Never Cheats On Him
Addison, on the other hand, cheats on Derek, which is what ruins their relationship before fans even meet any of these characters. She also has eyes for Mark Sloan later on and they betray Derek since Mark is his good friend.
Meredith never cheats on Derek, and that means that she’s definitely better for him. It’s an incredibly painful experience when your partner has an affair, and it ruins all of the trust, love, and compassion that you have for one another. It also changes the life that you had shared up until that moment and suggests that something was missing from the relationship. Meredith is much more loyal to Derek.
5. Addison: They Have A Shared History
Fans know that Addison and Derek met one another when they attended the same medical school. Their relationship seems to have a solid foundation since they have known each other for a long time and they can look back on the good times that they shared.
Perhaps Addison has a better, more nuanced understanding of Derek because she’s been with him for so long and has known him since he was much younger. She knew the Derek before he was a big-time surgeon, whereas Meredith is only coming in when he’s already confident (and some might say overconfident).
4. Meredith: He Has A Real Future With Her
While Addison is Derek’s past, Meredith is his future and that makes their relationship more meaningful. Of course, Derek’s life is cut short, which makes thinking about their scenes together even sadder.
It’s hard for Addison and Derek to put their difficult, painful past behind them and move forward, which is why he gets divorced and then marries Meredith. This feels right to fans, who love their romance.
3. Addison: She’s Willing To Forgive
When we think about it, the way that Addison handles Derek’s affair with Meredith is pretty mature. She’s willing to forgive and attempt to move on, which is more than a lot of people would do.
Meredith can be petty toward Derek and hold a lot of grudges, which is why Addison just might be the better love interest. She tries to be more mature about these things.
2. Meredith: They Respect Each Other
It’s definitely true that Derek can be self-centered and even mean to Meredith. The pair have many fights over the years, including the one when he wants to work for the President and she doesn’t want him to do that at all.
But even though they have their problems, they do respect each other, and that makes her better for him than his ex-wife. It feels like if Derek had lived, he and Meredith would have to face their issues with each other. They would probably end up stronger for it.
1. Addison: They Seemed To Have A More Grown-Up Relationship
Even the biggest Mer/Der fans have to admit that sometimes, it feels like these two act like children. They can bicker like no one else and they often feel that the other one isn’t being fair.
In this sense, it felt like Addison and Derek had a much more grown-up relationship. They meet in med school, they get married, and they become doctors. It would be interesting to see what their love story would have been like if they had gotten past him falling for Meredith. Of course, no matter how many reasons there are for Derek and Addison to repair their marriage, one thing is for sure: fans will be divided on this love triangle (while the majority of us will ship Mer and Der forever).
